last night i gave myself a concussion

Saturday nights are becoming kind of my unofficial black-the-fuck-out nights, because I spend all day Saturday bored sitting alone in my house and then even though I always tell myself I'm not gonna go out drinking, I do, because I do not know how to be alone for more than an hour and drinking is a great excuse to see people.

So I called my friend who just moved out here from New Jersey and he said he'd bring me to his friend's house to play beer pong and we got there and I walked in the door and I saw this guy who looked just like my old friend from the rowing team, five years ago, and then I was like holy shit that is him and so I said "Holy shit is that you?!" and then I looked at the guy standing next to him was another fucking guy from the rowing team and we had one of those it's a small fucking world moments and we took pictures and I drank a bottle of wine by myself in under 30 minutes while playing beer pong and this was, you know, just the pregame.

And then we went out to the bars and everyone let me order for them so we just did rounds, and rounds, and rounds, of tequila shots, and there's not a whole lot of memory after that so I'll skip to the end:

When we got home I was so drunk I fell off the toilet and landed on my head and gave myself a concussion.

last night i got mugged by a woman

So I went out in Santa Monica and had a fabulous time and met loads of cool people and then I decided to go home because I had to be up at 5:30 for work and I do not function well the day after drinking unless I get serious sleep time.

And then I got on the wrong bus because I was drunk and I had no fucking idea where I was which in retrospect is really funny because I got there by bus in the first place.

So then I got off the bus and started talking to this woman who was standing at the bus stop and asking her what she thought I should do and she said, "Take a cab," and I said "But I only have $20" and she grabbed my arm and when I'm drunk I'm really conceited so I thought she was a lezzer but then I looked down and she had a knife and she said "Give it to me," and so I did, and she didn't take my phone or my credit cards so I wasn't really that upset (but probably the drinking helped with that).

And then I flagged down a cop car because that's what you do, you know, when you're the victim of a crime, and the cops just laughed at me which honestly is what I would do too if someone told me they had just been mugged by a woman.