last night i got mugged by a woman

So I went out in Santa Monica and had a fabulous time and met loads of cool people and then I decided to go home because I had to be up at 5:30 for work and I do not function well the day after drinking unless I get serious sleep time.

And then I got on the wrong bus because I was drunk and I had no fucking idea where I was which in retrospect is really funny because I got there by bus in the first place.

So then I got off the bus and started talking to this woman who was standing at the bus stop and asking her what she thought I should do and she said, "Take a cab," and I said "But I only have $20" and she grabbed my arm and when I'm drunk I'm really conceited so I thought she was a lezzer but then I looked down and she had a knife and she said "Give it to me," and so I did, and she didn't take my phone or my credit cards so I wasn't really that upset (but probably the drinking helped with that).

And then I flagged down a cop car because that's what you do, you know, when you're the victim of a crime, and the cops just laughed at me which honestly is what I would do too if someone told me they had just been mugged by a woman.